Perhaps you haven’t come across “The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell” yet? It is supposedly a book report on the Bible written by a child. (I suspect not, but it is slightly amusing anyway!) Here are some highlights – in comparison to this, are you getting it? [Please note, anyone and everyone even vaguely associated with TheDailyReader.Net would distance themselves from much of the theology represented in the rest of this post!]
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
Any way’s, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Thanks, Peter, for dropping in on our Daily Readings with your comments. I have thoroughly enjoyed our readings, most recently, Numbers, and now into Deut. I appreciate your reminder that we read not primarily for information, as good as that may be, but to know, relate to, and respond to God. He was so in touch with His people and His leaders and expected that closeness from them in obedience, etc.
The above is pretty funny. I have not heard of the “Children’s Bible in a Nutshell”. I wonder if these statements were written by several children and then put together in this way. A good reminder that children may not always ‘hear’ what you think! But yet I know God could heal “leopards”!